tiny disappointments

I honestly think I can smell non-specific urethritis. Is this like a sexy version of toast = stroke?

Had my most boring dream for a while: giving a six hour talk to convince mansion-owners to change their electricity provider.

Back from America, where I saw David Cross on the opposite side of an “intersection”. My response was to whimper and pad from foot to foot

I just ate eggs benedict while a tattooed man on the next table phoned his friends Dimitri and Hugo about “the MTV”. Welcome to Cuntlandia

Ace hotel write-up: “Just because you stay in a hotel, doesn’t mean you have to be confined to reality.” To wit, there is a lips-shaped sofa

“I’m on a semen diet. If I see men, I suck their cocks”

RT @jammus “Jesus and Edna loved the horse game. They’d both crawl around on all fours,crashing into things.” The horse game sounds amazing!

Best bride in the world goes to @sarahlmorgan http://twitpic.com/h6yiq

Can’t believe I just smooth talked a 241 into Warwick Castle. Either I’m Face from the A-Team or no cunt pays full price

Monday night at the Fountain in Birmingham - it’s A Fucking Good Long Hard Look At Yourself Night, apparently